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I grudgingly decided not to go on said epic adventure. In the end, I am not prepared and I do not have a stable jumping-off point to do this. When I do it, I want to take it seriously and do it right. I am not in a position to do it right, so I'm waiting until I can. It was a splinter of intuition that I could not ignore, growing louder as the day to leave grew closer.

I have not yet earned my freedom, it seems.

Comments (0) 07.06.2011. 01:00

Gaining Familiar Perspective

This weekend was emotionally exhausting and definitely necessary. I went to my hometown to visit my parents and a few choice friends to get their advice and see them for the last time before I go.

Before I explain this, I want to start by saying I feel like the shit is hitting the fan in a big way in this country and will spread to the rest of the world. The elite are either losing their control or tightening their grip. Either way it's putting a lot of people in a bad position and things certainly can't continue like this much longer.

Pushing this change is technology which brings about unprecedented new realities in a very short period of time. If Ray Kurzweil's Singularity Theory holds its salt, which I believe it will, then time is also against me. Things are simply happening too fast to wait any longer. There is no time like the present and I can't procrastinate anymore.

I'm in a bad situation. Halfway through engineering, I realized I didn't want to continue down that path in life. This might have been about the time that it became more difficult than I was accustomed to. That's inaccurate, actually. Every bit of college was difficult. I simply never wanted it to begin with. It took me an unfortunate amount of time to realize this and I ended up with a considerable amount of student loans for which I have a cosigner. I couldn't make myself want a life I didn't want.

I'm in the position of having other things I feel powerfully compelled to do and that I need to get started on them soon as possible. Unfortunately I have obligations and they are affecting others in a negative way. These obligations would take a number of years to fulfill and I just can't afford that right now.

When I spoke to my parents they called me out on being a quitter and that's it's pretty fucked up to leave my grandma hanging like that. If you're thinking "sweet old grandmother," you're very wrong. Think Cruella Deville. We were having an argument on Friday about my decision to default on my loans. Obviously, she is quite furious with me. During this chat, I said some pretty rotten things, as seemingly you can only say to people you are very close to. She is able to provoke me much easier than I am comfortable with. Anyway, she tells me that she hopes I fail in my quest to help save the world. Straight up. "You will fail... I hope you fail." Direct quotes. Eventually I had to ask her if it was worth losing a grandson over the amount of money I owed and bad credit. Apparently her answer is yes. I will pay the money back eventually so she can start fixing her credit, but I don't think I can let her be an influence in my life anymore. The point is, I screwed her over mildly bad. I ruined her credit. They're not taking her house. It's not like I skipped bail or anything. Things could be a lot worse, but I still feel pretty bad about it, though honestly it helped that she said some pretty unforgivably evil things. I'm not sure I would have done things any differently (eg. not gone to college) if I had the chance though. I learned a lot of life lessons, had tests of character and was allowed the opportunity to find the path I'm on. Things would probably have been drastically different if they had gone otherwise. I feel like I'm at the right place, where I need and want to be.

While discussing my choice to quit my job and go on this quest, they pretty much nailed it. I'm a quitter when things get tough. They made clear the gravity of my obligation to pay my loans. These two things were their greatest insights. I have taken this into account and will adjust my plans accordingly. In the end my parents agreed that I need to take a month to get my head together, but they would like for me to arrive at the conclusion that the impossible is too difficult for me. They would have my go back to work and pay off my loans the old fashioned way, as I spend more of my life doing what I don't want to be doing.

My most important conversation of the weekend was with my chemistry teacher the next morning. She broke it down like this. If I look at the time between quitting my job and the OAR concert 29 days later as a vacation that's what it will be. In other words, if I just want a break from life to recharge and go back to my current life, that's what I will choose. If I choose to go the risky route and try to help save the world, I must make the decision to be perfect from here on out. I know a good deal of my flaws. I won't say I know them all, though. If I choose greatness, I must not allow my flaws to affect my goals. I cannot quit. I cannot decide doing the impossible is too hard. I cannot fail. I refuse to.

In the end, I'm obviously going to choose the hard way. I have the potential to achieve what most think can't happen. I can only achieve it if I stop being a quitter. I can only achieve it and keep the respect of my family if I pay back my loans.

I have two objectives. Find a way to pay my student loans as quickly as possible without violating law or morals. The other is to stop messing around and get to work on this enormous undertaking. I've started several times, but I just get overwhelmed at the vastness of the project and give up. I GIVE UP WHEN IT'S HARD. I really need to grow up and stop doing that.

From now on, I will have to achieve a new mindset conducive to accomplishing the tasks at hand.

Comments (0) 06.13.2011. 04:21

Project Personal Freedom Mission Statement

"The problem is choice" - Neo.

We all have the choice to be free. Pure freedom means zero security and vise versa. I have had security my entire life, and now I'm going to push the limits of my freedom and security. I choose to be free.

Freedom will not be an easy journey. Freedom is not a destination because you are inherently free by default. You choose to be secure by alleviating yourself of the burden freedom brings.

I will find my own freedom, my personal limits, and describe them as well as I can for you. Once I have adequately described the limitations of human freedom and survival, I will help you to find your own path there.

Freedom is not having to rely on anyone else for your survival. I want to teach everyone to be free and I want to build the infrastructure for doing so.

On my journey I will meet everyone I need to meet to accomplish my goal of freeing the world from slavery.

In a lot of ways, I think the Matrix is really about society instead of the literal interpretation of the movie. Those in power are pulling the wool over our eyes with the myth of a perfect world and using us for energy while they do it. They will and do say and do anything to keep you jumping through their hoops and not your own. If they had the technological resources, I am almost certain they would implement something like the Matrix to keep us in control.

You see, science fiction movies have never been warning us about technology destroying us. Quite the opposite. It's all about the ways we will destroy ourselves if we are not careful. The Matrix and Skynet aren't artificial intelligences that decided to kill humans one day. Instead they were are result of the current societal machine that was allowed to become too advanced. If allowed to go unchecked, our current machinery will drive us straight off a cliff and only the ones that learn to fly on the way down will survive.

Between now and the end of the road society is on, I am learning to fly.

I don't honestly believe society will fall from a cliff though. I'm certainly not the only one that recognizes we can't continue on like this. Humankind is procrastinator and I feel like we will pull through by the seat of our pants. However, pulling through by the seat our pants won't cut it in the long run. So instead, I'm going to figure out how to do things the right way from the ground up.

It is my ultimate goal to open an institution of enlightenment so to speak. By that name, I mean a facility where students can learn to be free.

I won't go into too much detail, but essentially I want to experiment with systems to allow peaceful anarchism. I know the biggest fear of anarchy is that someone will run amuck with no one to stop them. To prevent this, you will need some type of system that is not under the control of any one group of people. Using the scientific method, I intend on figuring out such a system.

Why?

Glad you asked. Individuals can only achieve anywhere near their full potential if they are truly free to do whatever they want, to learn the world in their own way. I don't want to just solve our economic and political problems. I want to go beyond. Only once we have resolved these inner-tensions can we begin to live life to its fullest.

Here we are, it's the year 2011 and people are pretty much pissed that we don't have anti-gravity cars and teleporters yet. What people don't realize is how much technological magic comes before we even make these gadgets. Imagine a world where a magic wand could spew fire and cast spells. A place where you can download your food or the newest car. A place where you can transform a sofa into a dog at the push of a button, assuming you'd want to do something like that. This is a world where possibilities are only limited by our imaginations.

Not only can we get there, we are destined to. Well, at least some species from this planet is destined to. If we don't get our act together, it won't be us. The fastest we can get there is for everyone to be free. The people that rule the world aren't using their power to its potential so I'm kind of sad about that and it needs to change.

So. Step 1: personal freedom. Step 2: teach everyone else personal freedom. Step 3: ??? Step 4: magical powers. Sounds like win to me.

Comments (0) 05.17.2011. 02:10

T Minus Fifty Four Days

Well, I have 54 days left until the big plunge. I've been in a slow process of making piles of stuff I own that I will either take with me or leave behind in some manner.

I feel sort of ridiculous to be honest, telling people my plan. I mean, what sort of person has a decent job, a place to live and a car and suddenly decides to up and leave? It seems like a lot of people are, actually. I have a friend that rock climbs and he knows a bunch of them that left traditional society to rock climb. Check out http://www.dirtbagdiaries.com/ditch-logic for a story about two friends that left their "perfect" lives to find themselves on a bike ride from Alaska to Argentina.

In the end, I know I'm doing the right thing. It's my life and I will live it as I choose, not how others choose for me to live it. That being said, it's still terrifying. Leaving the comfort and security of a bed, hot showers, groceries within two miles and the security of twice-monthly paychecks, something I've known my entire life, is unsettling to say the least.

I feel like I'm underplanning, but I also think it would go against the nature of my journey to plan too much. I'm not really sure what my life will be like after July 1st, so I can't say what I will need to accomodate it. If you don't have a final destination, you are forced to proceed one step at a time. So that's what I'm doing. Between now and then, I will have to finish going through my things and decide what I will take with me.

I also have to figure out what to do about my bills, but I have some things in mind.

Events I'm attending in the future include my skydiving trip on july 2nd, then the OAR concert July 29th. After that, it's Burning Man 2012. Other than that, I will be a plastic grocery bag blowing in the wind. For money, being a linux geek, I can put ads on craigslist if I really need to, but I'd sort of like to experiment with some sort of bartering. It will be an experiment to say the least, but I'd like to try giving away my services for free, or more specifically a 'pay what you want' system. I don't accept cash. My services are widely varied... I can repair computers and cars and most things around the house and yard. I'm also an electrical engineering dropout, for what that's worth. I would say I could be very useful in any community. I hope to be a valuable asset to the world community.

Comments (0) 05.08.2011. 14:51

The Quest Giver

More and more I see my life through the viewpoint of a person playing a very realistic MMORPG.

MMOs are adventerous and a lot of fun. But the MMO we call IRL is the best one yet. I've decided to play IRL the way I want to play it, not how everyone else want me to play.

A few days ago, maybe a week ago, I put in my resignation notice at work. My last day is July 1st, 2011. Incidentally, I'm going skydiving for the second time on July 2nd with some friends.

Since I put in my notice to work, I've been very exhuberant about life. I can't wait for the adventure to fully begin. Until then, I need to start gathering supplies and tying up any loose ends. People are asking me what I'm going to do. I don't really know what to tell them. I'm just going flow with the river of life.

So the Insight cable man came by my house yesterday. He wanted to know how my recently installed internet service was working out.(as it happens, I'm paying extra for turbo service (15Mbit) but I'm not getting the speeds. the tech that came out told me there's 500 to 1000 customers all using the same 42Mbit switch. upgrade your damn network!). After some conversation, I told him my plan to go adventuring and he gives me my first quest!

The cable guy tells me about a city I would really like called Cooke City, Montana. He proceded to tell me about why it is a good location and a man that I should talk to named Tom. I will know Tim because he drinks Moose Drool beer at the Elk Head Hotel. He wrote the details on a bright orange flyer and gives it to me. This is EXACTLY like the type of quest in World Warcraft (and probably other games) that helps you advance the storyline! Very exciting.

Cooke City won't be my first destination, as I have a few stops to make along the way, but I'll make it there eventually, Hopefully while the weather is warm. Here is a link to Cooke City.

Until next time, enjoy your life's quest and stay safe.

Comments (0) 04.20.2011. 11:40